Years ago, when I still dabbled in marijuana (yes, even Life Coaches do it), I had a number of very scary experiences filled with paranoia and anxiety. I made a conscious decision to leave the weed alone as I was becoming fearful of the outcome when using. It wasn't serving me any good and my latter years have gently evolved into enjoying the occasional glass of red wine with a decent meal.
So how is it that I now find myslef undergoing some quite intense therapy utilising chemical means (KAP if you may ask). I have always been dead against the idea and fought vehemiently against my possible foray into this world. What is it that has "driven" me over the edge to succumb to usage of a chemical substance - albeit within a very controlled environment?
The truth is that I have had no choice but to seek outside (and compassionate) intervention and help from someone I trust. On my first visit and prior to even commencing with the process, I was immediately told that I was in trouble .... tell me something I don't fucking know. With that said, I started the treatment a few weeks ago (which in itself is quite hectic), and have one more session to complete. A lot has come up for me on these journeys and visions. Seeing who the real ME is. How my fear and sadness has overwhelmed me to such a degree that at times I feel as though I can't function in the "normal" world and has suppressed my happiness and life force. But this is also a process of re-building the man that I am. Trying to find out what really makes me tick - without the clutter and noise from outside sources.
And that my past does not define who I am.
I want my heart to smile.
Namaste
Paul
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